How do you expect the truly unexpected?

I'm writing at the tail end of a very difficult week. I had a wonderful weekend with dear friends and began the week excited about continuing to settle into daily life in our new home. Monday seemed delightfully uneventful until I recieved a text from a family friend. The text told me that my childhood best friend's father had been shot. My world began to spin. I announced the news calmly to Trey and my brother, visiting over his spring break and walked upstairs to look on the computer for information.

I sat at the computer reading and rereading reports of the incident. My friend's dad was found dead in his business by a coworker. He was dead. My friend's dad was dead. Early reports indicated the death could have been either suicide or homicide. My chest tighted and my throat felt dry. He is dead. I emailed his wife and sent a quick note to my friend. Trey came to see what I was doing and I crumbled. He is dead. I hardly slept.

Tuesday I was surprised to have a reply from my friend with an invitation to call. I did not know what to say but knew I should call. She answered, I asked how she is, and she said good. Silence on both ends. We both chuckled and commented about the irony of the question and answer during such a horrific time. She sounded strong and confident; evidently taking charge during the difficult initial days. I was blown away when she said the police spent the first day questioning the family...can you imagine!? We talked about the family's hope that the body would be released for burial later in the day and the fact that the police have communicated no concern for the family's safety. (I hadn't even considered the fact that the family could potentially be in harm's way...the killer is still at large? Is this CSI/Law & Order?)

This has shaken me hard. My two closest childhood friends have now both lost their dads in a matter of months. Sure, I've known other people who have died and have grieved in the past. (Grandpa Jim, DeeDee, Grandpa Roy, etc) I am not sure why this is impacting me so heavilty. Perhaps it is because both men died so suddenly or perhaps it is because I have watched my friends grieve and pictured myself in the position.

I am not writing for sympathy or support. I simply need to process my feelings as part of my grief process. I ache for Jessica's family and wish there was something I could do to change the situation. I talked to my mom briefly about my sadness and asked a favor. "Will you please tell Dad that given my recent history with losing important father figures...tell him I need him to eat healthy, stay out of the sun, and not get shot."