Logan isn't a baby anymore. He is 3 years old and becoming his own person. He is fiercely independent and confident trying new things. It is exciting to see this change in development but I'm still having trouble admitting that he isn't my sweet baby anymore. I think Trey's deployment during Logan's early period made me hold on tighter to the kid than a lot of moms. I didn't have family nearby (we were in Savannah at the time) and didn't leave him other than daycare. Since we've moved closer to home, we've had several requests to keep Logan for the weekend. I know he is taken care of and has a fabulous time on these weekends away but I still don't like them. I don't feel complete without having him with me. I feel guilty letting him go. As a therapist, I have seen so many kids not wanted or not properly nurtured and I hold on tighter to my little monster. Trey was headed to Arkansas Sunday evening and my mom offered to keep Logan until Christmas Eve, when the family is headed to my house. Reluctantly, I agreed. Logan was thrilled when he learned he was going to Sweet P and Granddude's house! He packed his bag and was ready to go...right then! I tried to not squeeze him too tight before loading him in the car. Sunday night was surreal. I was home alone with my two dogs; no husband, no kid. I had trouble sleeping and kept waking up thinking I heard Logan cry upstairs. Seriously, am I going crazy? The routine of work helped yesterday go by more quickly. I stopped by my favorite take out place for dinner and lounged on the couch all evening. I will admit that it was relaxing and nice to eat a warm dinner without getting up a million times to get more milk, pick up a dropped fork, or wipe up spills. Today, I'm planning to go to a movie after work. I might eat dinner in the living room! I may even pick up a long forgotten hobby tonight.
My dad sent several pictures of Logan's adventures yesterday which helped immensely. I called after work last night for a full report from my mom and could hear Logan playing with my brother in the background. I know he is having a blast and is in good hands. I still miss him and am counting the seconds until he is home. Until then, I'll take my husband's advise and enjoy the time alone without guilt. Logan will be home soon and I'll jump right back into mommy mode and there is nothing I enjoy more!
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2 comments:
Trey is right! You're a good mom and you work hard to raise Logan--so it's nice to be able to give yourself a worry-free break. I'm glad you're getting out and seeing a movie and enjoying a little Lauren-time. Though, it'll probably so nice to see him again! :)
Awww...3 years old. I can't even imagine. Logan sounds like a fantastic kid and well, you deserve a break! However, I even get nervous leaving Isaac for a couple of hours with my inlaws.
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