Our fantasy world...

Many of my favorite childhood memories are of times my imagination ran wild. I fondly remember a dear friend and I walking around the block brainstorming what would happen if an evil witch returned to our camp. We developed a game plan for combatting her terroristic threats that would make many heads of state jealous! I also remember spending hours designing tree forts, club houses, and forts in the woods. I sincerely hoped my parents would allow me to knock a hole in the wall of my closet to expand my room into the bathroom. Many plays were performed on our front porch and our kitchen chairs were easily converted into a train or the corners of a tent. We had tv, nintendo, and a VCR when I was young...it wasn't THAT long ago...but a majority of my memories don't involve those things. David and I also had toys that talked (ie. David's scary Teddy Ruxpin) or moved (a roller skating doll) but I preferred the toys or objects that could be whatever I dreamed. I once whittled a stick into a treeman and played with him for days!

I'm recounting these silly experiences today and wonder how I will ensure that Logan develops a healthy imagination, the ability to create fun, and to think outside the box. I want Logan to view our backyard as an ocean full of pirates, an African savannah, the wild west, etc. I love to watch Logan begin to stretch his fantasy legs. Below is a list of recent creative moments...allow me to brag for a second, but isn't that what this blog is all about!?

1. Logan told me he couldn't go "night night" because a "monster ate his bed."

2. While talking about my brother's upcoming visit, Logan said "I like Unc. He dances." - I don't remember recent incidents in which David danced for Logan...

3. Logan tells me he swims "like a pig."

4. Prepare yourself...this is perhaps my favorite moment ever...out of the blue, Logan said "I love you big big like a water tower." Collective awwwwwww...

5. Logan fell from the kitchen chair (while not sitting on his bottom like he was instructed) and then refused to walk for 15 minutes because "my legs break'ed."

6. He LOVES to construct complicated block castles, towers, and houses. (Then gets furious when one of our 4 legged beasts knock them over.)

7. We taught Logan to give us bear hugs awhile ago. Now he substitutes various animal sounds for frog hugs, bird hugs, bug hugs, etc.

8. He has begun to draw with purpose. His scribbles are, in fact, daddy or Banjo or his name.

Looking at this list, I feel initially proud...a little nervous that my kid may be psychotic (ha ha)...but still proud. I can't wait to see what is next in his development. I don't often evangelize but...God is good. Logan is proof of an amazing creation perfectly made for this family.

Squash

Logan and I planted a little vegetable garden in the spring. I have not inherited my Grandma Doris' green thumb so this was not only uncharacteristic but a true experiment. The previous owners had a small raised bed in the backyard in which they left zinnias and carrots. I'm sure there were other crops that simply died out. I jumped whole-heartedly into the project without doing my homework...as is my style. The bed is probably 3x6 and I planted the following: watermelon, pumpkin, zucchini, yellow squash, red lettuce, tomatoes, spinach, and bell peppers. Many of the plants were bought as little plants but many others were started as seeds in a little plastic greenhouse that I stored in the pantry. Trey has consistently made fun of my "farming" abilities and my precious crops. Logan hasn't had much interest after the initial planting...until recently.

While the spinach and watermelon have not done well, the yellow squash has taken over. I counted 45 blossoms a week ago and discovered more big yellow blossoms this morning. I like squash and know of a couple squash recipes but had hoped for more variety in our homegrown produce!

Logan has begun to pick the big squash when playing outside. I was initially excited by his interest but quickly learned that he doesn't see the squash as food but as a toy. Our squash have been colored on, thrown as a ball, floated in our little fountain, used as pretend musical instruments, wrapped in blankets and put "night-night", and used as a phone to call various family members. Logan and I even used the squash as models for still life drawings! Needless to say, Trey and I have given up wrestling Logan's precious treasures away from him and are laughing at what the imagination can do with a squash.

The bell peppers appear to have buds on them and we have a few very tiny tomatoes. It will be exciting to see how these veggies will be incorporated into our play!

I don't wanna grow up...

I've been holding onto Logan tight and haven't wanted to let him grow up. I didn't have trouble getting rid of the crib for the big bed but weaning from the pacifier (aka "the plug") and venturing away from diapers is killing me! Babies don't wear big boy underwear!

Last night Logan came into the living room and said "Mommy, I'm gonna need the plug." Trey and I burst out in laughter. I think it's time!

And the other clue that it's time for Logan to grow up came this weekend when he climbed under the table at a restaurant and said, "I hidin' and poopin'!" Yep...it's time.

I am still not ready but realize I have no choice in the matter. Logan is growing up and there isn't anything I can do about it. Grrr! I feel like it is all happening so fast! My mom has hinted that perhaps it's time for another baby. I would like nothing more but it isn't in the cards just yet. (unemployment and Trey's new career do not make for good conditions to add to the family) I think getting the new puppy was a bit of an effort to redirect my need to nurture a baby?? Trey may have to drag me kicking and screaming along the way, but we are going to let Logan be a big boy. No plug, no more diapers. (But, he'll still have Grover...)

Bodies are private

This morning was not unlike most mornings. In a rush to get out the door for daycare and work, I was losing patience with Logan. He was a naked bandit; running from one room to another, narrowly escaping my grasp. I kept yelling up the stairs "Logan, we have to get you dressed for school!" Finally I ran up the stairs and captured the little jaybird. I again said, "Logan, you have to get dressed for school." To which he replied, "No mommy, I will show Harry my penis." I chuckled quietly and continued to wrestle with him to get out the door on time.

On the way to daycare, I called mom, Trey, & Michelle to share Logan's comment. Mom laughed a lot. Trey was in class but texted back LOL. I know Michelle will laugh when she gets the message. I then started to think about the statement and began to panic a little. As a therapist, I've encouraged so many parents to start talking about Good touch/bad touch early. I've worked with kids that have been violated in ways I don't want to put on my family-friendly blog. So, I interrupted Logan's singing/screeching of "Kinkle, Kinkle, Little Tar." I told him "Logan, we don't show our penis to people and no one gets to touch your penis except for you, Mommy and Daddy during diaper time, and your doctor." He nodded and echoed, "doctor."

At daycare I shared the story with his teacher. I half hoped for a chuckle but also wanted to prepare her if Logan continued our conversation at school. She did not smile. She looked straight in my eyes and said "Oh, no. That is not acceptable." I nervously muttered some statement of agreement and awkwardly left for work.

In the car I started to panic. I imagined going to daycare and having a note to see the director. I envisioned being questioned about Logan's penis statement. I practiced explaining that I'm a therapist and have begun age appropriate discussions about boundaries and our bodies. I started thinking about ways to convince the daycare staff that my wild little man is not a perpetrator...

Ok, stop! Parenting has once again thrown me for a loop. We'll see if there is a note on the door when I pick him up. I hope all will be forgotten soon and then I can return to chuckling at, what was at one time this morning, a funny statement.

Going Green for Earth Day

Today is Earth Day. I remember celebrating as a child and learning about recycling at school. We learned to reduce, reuse, and recycle. The main tips I remember were to turn lights off when we leave a room and turn the water off when brushing our teeth. We recycled at home.

As an adult I admit that I haven't remained "green." We didn't have convenient recycling in Savannah, so we didn't. I have reusable shopping bags in the back of a closet somewhere. I haven't bought natural cleaning products and have been generally wasteful. Lately I've wanted to reorganize several areas of my life and have wanted to become more green. We are recycling and I've started a little garden. I want Logan to internalize the lessons he is learning at daycare this week. (Can you believe they celebrate Earth Day at 2 years old!?)

I have spent a good part of the day researching green tips online. I've scribbled ideas and recipes all over a legal pad and admit I'm intimidated. I am not sure where to start. I want to adopt habits that I can sustain. It's not reasonable to burn my bras, live only off the earth, and eat only raw foods. Not reasonable for this family. It would be easy to let my intimidation turn into inaction but I'm going to start small. I can commit to continuing to recycle, turn off unused lights/water, and add a few small actions. (ie. not buying cleaning products until my current supply is gone and then buying/making healthier options...reduce my use of paper towels...maybe even make detergent like my sister-in-law has done.)

I want this commitment to stand longer than many of my others that have been abandoned after a brief passionate moment. (ie. making our own candles/diffuser oil, exercising, dieting-ugh!, sewing, making extra money by selling on ebay, blogging/journaling regularly, writing, etc.) I plan to guilt myself into maintaining this focus by remembering that Logan is watching and learning my every move. As cliche as it is, I owe him a healthier future. (Gag! I hate when I'm sappy & generic.) Besides, I want Logan to learn that passion can create big changes with a little hard work.

As I type this silly blog o' inspiration, I am sincere. (And I'm singing Jack Johnson's The 3 R's song...) Happy Earth Day! Go Green Geiers!

Sick Day

I'm about to be laid off. I've never been faced with this reality and am stressed. I've mailed out a million and one resumes and am praying (hard) that an agency will soon realize they simply cannot operate without me. (I've never been based completely in reality.) With this job winding down and no other in sight, worries fill my every minute. How will we pay for daycare, the mortgage, and groceries? How long will our savings hold out? Am I doing something wrong? Why can't I find a job...I have a freakin' masters degree! I can't sleep and my stomach remains in knots. Last week I found my leave update on my desk and read that I had one sick day. I decided late Sunday night that I needed this sick day as a mental health day. (Not completely in vain, Logan has a horrible diaper rash that needed babying for another day before turned over to daycare.) I woke up early yesterday morning and decided to spend the day with Logan at the zoo. Unfortunately, Trey work up early with a high fever and sore throat! By 10a my little man and I were walking hand in hand towards the front gate. If you have never seen the entry to the Memphis zoo, you are missing out! Very cool! Logan and I had a wonderful time looking at the animals. I savored every second of my day with Logan, growing healthier by the second.

He studied the animals. Several times I prompted him to move on and he said, "No, Mommy. I lookin'." Logan's highlights were riding the train around the farm, the hissing cockroaches, and the gibbons (that's my boy!). My heart melted when he waved goodbye to the penguins and said "Bye bye penguins. Love you!" We laughed at the little sparrows that begged for our lunch and both stood amazed by the gorilla washing her food in the creek and the baby giraffe eating hay. I sat on a bench reflecting on our day while Logan ran around the playground. I try to present myself as tough but this kid has created an absolute marshmallow. My eyes filled with tears as I thought about our first trip to the zoo together, when he was only 6 months old. I wish with all of my heart that I could be a stay at home mommy and not miss out on Logan's days. However, it's just not in the cards right now. I looked around at other mommies around the playground and wondered what their worries are. Suddenly, Logan's cries for me snapped me out of my daydreaming/pity party and back into reality. He had climbed too high on the jungle gym and was scared. I flew into action and rescued him like any super mom would do. He squeezed my neck, patted my neck, and cried "Oh mommy. Oh mommy." We stood there in the middle of the playground at the Memphis zoo holding each other and crying. No one else existed in that moment. After what seemed like a cherished eternity, we collected ourselves and continued on our zoo tour.

When I think back on my last 30 years, this day stands out as one of the best. Sure, I am still losing my job and have nothing lined up. Sure, Trey has strep throat and I have used up my one sick day. Sure, Logan threw a whopper of a fit last night with a kick to Mojo's ribs and a hit on my legs. Sure, when I do find a job Logan will still go to daycare and call his teacher "Mommy" some days. But, we will survive it together. "Oh mommy."

No post today...just wanted to post this picture. Mommy's "sweet" boy. Notice the bruise on the cheek. Logan fell headfirst into the door frame. He also has a giant bruise and knot behind one ear from falling into a table at school. He gets his grace from me!