Bodies are private

This morning was not unlike most mornings. In a rush to get out the door for daycare and work, I was losing patience with Logan. He was a naked bandit; running from one room to another, narrowly escaping my grasp. I kept yelling up the stairs "Logan, we have to get you dressed for school!" Finally I ran up the stairs and captured the little jaybird. I again said, "Logan, you have to get dressed for school." To which he replied, "No mommy, I will show Harry my penis." I chuckled quietly and continued to wrestle with him to get out the door on time.

On the way to daycare, I called mom, Trey, & Michelle to share Logan's comment. Mom laughed a lot. Trey was in class but texted back LOL. I know Michelle will laugh when she gets the message. I then started to think about the statement and began to panic a little. As a therapist, I've encouraged so many parents to start talking about Good touch/bad touch early. I've worked with kids that have been violated in ways I don't want to put on my family-friendly blog. So, I interrupted Logan's singing/screeching of "Kinkle, Kinkle, Little Tar." I told him "Logan, we don't show our penis to people and no one gets to touch your penis except for you, Mommy and Daddy during diaper time, and your doctor." He nodded and echoed, "doctor."

At daycare I shared the story with his teacher. I half hoped for a chuckle but also wanted to prepare her if Logan continued our conversation at school. She did not smile. She looked straight in my eyes and said "Oh, no. That is not acceptable." I nervously muttered some statement of agreement and awkwardly left for work.

In the car I started to panic. I imagined going to daycare and having a note to see the director. I envisioned being questioned about Logan's penis statement. I practiced explaining that I'm a therapist and have begun age appropriate discussions about boundaries and our bodies. I started thinking about ways to convince the daycare staff that my wild little man is not a perpetrator...

Ok, stop! Parenting has once again thrown me for a loop. We'll see if there is a note on the door when I pick him up. I hope all will be forgotten soon and then I can return to chuckling at, what was at one time this morning, a funny statement.

Going Green for Earth Day

Today is Earth Day. I remember celebrating as a child and learning about recycling at school. We learned to reduce, reuse, and recycle. The main tips I remember were to turn lights off when we leave a room and turn the water off when brushing our teeth. We recycled at home.

As an adult I admit that I haven't remained "green." We didn't have convenient recycling in Savannah, so we didn't. I have reusable shopping bags in the back of a closet somewhere. I haven't bought natural cleaning products and have been generally wasteful. Lately I've wanted to reorganize several areas of my life and have wanted to become more green. We are recycling and I've started a little garden. I want Logan to internalize the lessons he is learning at daycare this week. (Can you believe they celebrate Earth Day at 2 years old!?)

I have spent a good part of the day researching green tips online. I've scribbled ideas and recipes all over a legal pad and admit I'm intimidated. I am not sure where to start. I want to adopt habits that I can sustain. It's not reasonable to burn my bras, live only off the earth, and eat only raw foods. Not reasonable for this family. It would be easy to let my intimidation turn into inaction but I'm going to start small. I can commit to continuing to recycle, turn off unused lights/water, and add a few small actions. (ie. not buying cleaning products until my current supply is gone and then buying/making healthier options...reduce my use of paper towels...maybe even make detergent like my sister-in-law has done.)

I want this commitment to stand longer than many of my others that have been abandoned after a brief passionate moment. (ie. making our own candles/diffuser oil, exercising, dieting-ugh!, sewing, making extra money by selling on ebay, blogging/journaling regularly, writing, etc.) I plan to guilt myself into maintaining this focus by remembering that Logan is watching and learning my every move. As cliche as it is, I owe him a healthier future. (Gag! I hate when I'm sappy & generic.) Besides, I want Logan to learn that passion can create big changes with a little hard work.

As I type this silly blog o' inspiration, I am sincere. (And I'm singing Jack Johnson's The 3 R's song...) Happy Earth Day! Go Green Geiers!

Sick Day

I'm about to be laid off. I've never been faced with this reality and am stressed. I've mailed out a million and one resumes and am praying (hard) that an agency will soon realize they simply cannot operate without me. (I've never been based completely in reality.) With this job winding down and no other in sight, worries fill my every minute. How will we pay for daycare, the mortgage, and groceries? How long will our savings hold out? Am I doing something wrong? Why can't I find a job...I have a freakin' masters degree! I can't sleep and my stomach remains in knots. Last week I found my leave update on my desk and read that I had one sick day. I decided late Sunday night that I needed this sick day as a mental health day. (Not completely in vain, Logan has a horrible diaper rash that needed babying for another day before turned over to daycare.) I woke up early yesterday morning and decided to spend the day with Logan at the zoo. Unfortunately, Trey work up early with a high fever and sore throat! By 10a my little man and I were walking hand in hand towards the front gate. If you have never seen the entry to the Memphis zoo, you are missing out! Very cool! Logan and I had a wonderful time looking at the animals. I savored every second of my day with Logan, growing healthier by the second.

He studied the animals. Several times I prompted him to move on and he said, "No, Mommy. I lookin'." Logan's highlights were riding the train around the farm, the hissing cockroaches, and the gibbons (that's my boy!). My heart melted when he waved goodbye to the penguins and said "Bye bye penguins. Love you!" We laughed at the little sparrows that begged for our lunch and both stood amazed by the gorilla washing her food in the creek and the baby giraffe eating hay. I sat on a bench reflecting on our day while Logan ran around the playground. I try to present myself as tough but this kid has created an absolute marshmallow. My eyes filled with tears as I thought about our first trip to the zoo together, when he was only 6 months old. I wish with all of my heart that I could be a stay at home mommy and not miss out on Logan's days. However, it's just not in the cards right now. I looked around at other mommies around the playground and wondered what their worries are. Suddenly, Logan's cries for me snapped me out of my daydreaming/pity party and back into reality. He had climbed too high on the jungle gym and was scared. I flew into action and rescued him like any super mom would do. He squeezed my neck, patted my neck, and cried "Oh mommy. Oh mommy." We stood there in the middle of the playground at the Memphis zoo holding each other and crying. No one else existed in that moment. After what seemed like a cherished eternity, we collected ourselves and continued on our zoo tour.

When I think back on my last 30 years, this day stands out as one of the best. Sure, I am still losing my job and have nothing lined up. Sure, Trey has strep throat and I have used up my one sick day. Sure, Logan threw a whopper of a fit last night with a kick to Mojo's ribs and a hit on my legs. Sure, when I do find a job Logan will still go to daycare and call his teacher "Mommy" some days. But, we will survive it together. "Oh mommy."

No post today...just wanted to post this picture. Mommy's "sweet" boy. Notice the bruise on the cheek. Logan fell headfirst into the door frame. He also has a giant bruise and knot behind one ear from falling into a table at school. He gets his grace from me!