I'm about to be laid off. I've never been faced with this reality and am stressed. I've mailed out a million and one resumes and am praying (hard) that an agency will soon realize they simply cannot operate without me. (I've never been based completely in reality.) With this job winding down and no other in sight, worries fill my every minute. How will we pay for daycare, the mortgage, and groceries? How long will our savings hold out? Am I doing something wrong? Why can't I find a job...I have a freakin' masters degree! I can't sleep and my stomach remains in knots. Last week I found my leave update on my desk and read that I had one sick day. I decided late Sunday night that I needed this sick day as a mental health day. (Not completely in vain, Logan has a horrible diaper rash that needed babying for another day before turned over to daycare.) I woke up early yesterday morning and decided to spend the day with Logan at the zoo. Unfortunately, Trey work up early with a high fever and sore throat! By 10a my little man and I were walking hand in hand towards the front gate. If you have never seen the entry to the Memphis zoo, you are missing out! Very cool! Logan and I had a wonderful time looking at the animals. I savored every second of my day with Logan, growing healthier by the second.
He studied the animals. Several times I prompted him to move on and he said, "No, Mommy. I lookin'." Logan's highlights were riding the train around the farm, the hissing cockroaches, and the gibbons (that's my boy!). My heart melted when he waved goodbye to the penguins and said "Bye bye penguins. Love you!" We laughed at the little sparrows that begged for our lunch and both stood amazed by the gorilla washing her food in the creek and the baby giraffe eating hay. I sat on a bench reflecting on our day while Logan ran around the playground. I try to present myself as tough but this kid has created an absolute marshmallow. My eyes filled with tears as I thought about our first trip to the zoo together, when he was only 6 months old. I wish with all of my heart that I could be a stay at home mommy and not miss out on Logan's days. However, it's just not in the cards right now. I looked around at other mommies around the playground and wondered what their worries are. Suddenly, Logan's cries for me snapped me out of my daydreaming/pity party and back into reality. He had climbed too high on the jungle gym and was scared. I flew into action and rescued him like any super mom would do. He squeezed my neck, patted my neck, and cried "Oh mommy. Oh mommy." We stood there in the middle of the playground at the Memphis zoo holding each other and crying. No one else existed in that moment. After what seemed like a cherished eternity, we collected ourselves and continued on our zoo tour.
When I think back on my last 30 years, this day stands out as one of the best. Sure, I am still losing my job and have nothing lined up. Sure, Trey has strep throat and I have used up my one sick day. Sure, Logan threw a whopper of a fit last night with a kick to Mojo's ribs and a hit on my legs. Sure, when I do find a job Logan will still go to daycare and call his teacher "Mommy" some days. But, we will survive it together. "Oh mommy."
He studied the animals. Several times I prompted him to move on and he said, "No, Mommy. I lookin'." Logan's highlights were riding the train around the farm, the hissing cockroaches, and the gibbons (that's my boy!). My heart melted when he waved goodbye to the penguins and said "Bye bye penguins. Love you!" We laughed at the little sparrows that begged for our lunch and both stood amazed by the gorilla washing her food in the creek and the baby giraffe eating hay. I sat on a bench reflecting on our day while Logan ran around the playground. I try to present myself as tough but this kid has created an absolute marshmallow. My eyes filled with tears as I thought about our first trip to the zoo together, when he was only 6 months old. I wish with all of my heart that I could be a stay at home mommy and not miss out on Logan's days. However, it's just not in the cards right now. I looked around at other mommies around the playground and wondered what their worries are. Suddenly, Logan's cries for me snapped me out of my daydreaming/pity party and back into reality. He had climbed too high on the jungle gym and was scared. I flew into action and rescued him like any super mom would do. He squeezed my neck, patted my neck, and cried "Oh mommy. Oh mommy." We stood there in the middle of the playground at the Memphis zoo holding each other and crying. No one else existed in that moment. After what seemed like a cherished eternity, we collected ourselves and continued on our zoo tour.
When I think back on my last 30 years, this day stands out as one of the best. Sure, I am still losing my job and have nothing lined up. Sure, Trey has strep throat and I have used up my one sick day. Sure, Logan threw a whopper of a fit last night with a kick to Mojo's ribs and a hit on my legs. Sure, when I do find a job Logan will still go to daycare and call his teacher "Mommy" some days. But, we will survive it together. "Oh mommy."
1 comment:
Oh..this made me cry....Love you Lauren!
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