How do you expect the truly unexpected?

I'm writing at the tail end of a very difficult week. I had a wonderful weekend with dear friends and began the week excited about continuing to settle into daily life in our new home. Monday seemed delightfully uneventful until I recieved a text from a family friend. The text told me that my childhood best friend's father had been shot. My world began to spin. I announced the news calmly to Trey and my brother, visiting over his spring break and walked upstairs to look on the computer for information.

I sat at the computer reading and rereading reports of the incident. My friend's dad was found dead in his business by a coworker. He was dead. My friend's dad was dead. Early reports indicated the death could have been either suicide or homicide. My chest tighted and my throat felt dry. He is dead. I emailed his wife and sent a quick note to my friend. Trey came to see what I was doing and I crumbled. He is dead. I hardly slept.

Tuesday I was surprised to have a reply from my friend with an invitation to call. I did not know what to say but knew I should call. She answered, I asked how she is, and she said good. Silence on both ends. We both chuckled and commented about the irony of the question and answer during such a horrific time. She sounded strong and confident; evidently taking charge during the difficult initial days. I was blown away when she said the police spent the first day questioning the family...can you imagine!? We talked about the family's hope that the body would be released for burial later in the day and the fact that the police have communicated no concern for the family's safety. (I hadn't even considered the fact that the family could potentially be in harm's way...the killer is still at large? Is this CSI/Law & Order?)

This has shaken me hard. My two closest childhood friends have now both lost their dads in a matter of months. Sure, I've known other people who have died and have grieved in the past. (Grandpa Jim, DeeDee, Grandpa Roy, etc) I am not sure why this is impacting me so heavilty. Perhaps it is because both men died so suddenly or perhaps it is because I have watched my friends grieve and pictured myself in the position.

I am not writing for sympathy or support. I simply need to process my feelings as part of my grief process. I ache for Jessica's family and wish there was something I could do to change the situation. I talked to my mom briefly about my sadness and asked a favor. "Will you please tell Dad that given my recent history with losing important father figures...tell him I need him to eat healthy, stay out of the sun, and not get shot."

Bird in Hand...

There is a lesson in every moment. Trey is in St. Louis for a training this week. Logan and I decided to eat dinner on the patio and play in the yard until the sun went down. After dinner (only minimal drama; Mojo ate Logan's hot dog & Logan dropped his lemonade on the ground.) we began playing with the wagon. Logan sat inside and instructed me to go "dat way" or "dis way." We made our way to the gate and discovered that a mother bird had made a nest in the rocks while we were out of town. I suppose she thought she could set up a nice, quiet home but little did she know Mojo was only temporarily in the kennel. Logan and I watched the mother bird protecting her nest for a few moments. I even took a picture (posted). Then, it began...Mojo came to see what we were looking at and chased the mother bird away. I called my mom for advice. Should I leave the nest alone risking Mojo killing the eggs and the mother bird or should I move the nest to a safer place? Mom simply stated, "Lauren, this is an example of survival of the fittest."

My conscious couldn't just leave well alone. I grabbed a large shovel and moved the nest to the other side of the fence. I did so under the watchful eye of the mother bird. Once the nest was safely relocated, I let Mojo back outside...where she promptly chased the mother bird, caught her, and killed her in cold blood. Logan started screaming "Momo popped da bird!" (Note: a few weeks ago Mojo popped a beach ball and Logan has held a grudge.) Mojo strutted around the yard like she had accomplished a fantastic feat. (As an aside, while I removed the dead mother bird from the yard Logan stopped screaming about Momo popping the bird and got quiet...uh oh!I found him drinking out of the fish fountain. UGH!)

I took Logan inside for his bath and to go to bed; all the while feeling sad for the abandoned eggs. I decided to bring the eggs inside and set up a little nest. I wrapped the nest in the heating pad and set it on low (I thought) before leaving the room to work on laundry. A couple hours later I returned to the nest to discover that the heating pad was not on low but on high. I apparently hard boiled the orphaned eggs.

So, what is the lesson in all of this? Leave nature be? Natural selection is real? Dogs will be dogs? The best intentions?

How about "Chaos is the norm at the Geier household!"

I read banned books but I am unable to consign them...

I'm a fan of nostalgia. I enjoy the silly emails "You know you are a child of the 80's if..." and have watched VH1's "I love the [insert decade]." I am jealous of my friends Rhonda, Lex, & Danielle for attending not one, but 2 NKOTB reunion concerts! I loved my friend Moe's college picture posts.

I also LOVE to read. I always have a book in my purse and a pile of books "on deck." Perhaps this is why I jumped on the suggestion to read "Everything I know about being a girl I learned from Judy Blume." I nestled into the couch on a rainy Sunday thrilled to be reminded of books from my childhood. However, what I found was essay after essay about a Blume book I did not remember. "Forever?" I promptly put the other book aside until I could locate a copy and digest "Forever." For those of you unaware of the book, it is Judy Blume's sex book. She ignored the G-rated norm and wrote about high school students discovering their bodies and experimenting with sex. This is one of the two books (the other being "Deenie") that led to Judy Blume being one of the most banned authors. I honestly expected the book to be more graphic, more raunchy, and less socially responsible than it was. (We'll save this particular soap box for another blog.)

ANYWAY, fastforward another couple of weeks. I took a pile of books into a local used bookstore to consign. Upon checking out the clerk said, "Ma'am, I will accept the other books but I WILL not take this book." She slapped my copy of "Forever" on the counter. She then proceeded to tell me that there were words in the book she did not feel were appropriate for children and that she had actually written the author when the book was first published. (Nevermind the fact that the main character insists on using protection and even makes herself an appointment at Planned Parenthood. A responsible move??) She also said, "We do not sell this type book in my store." At that moment, the other customers looked up, probably curious about the smut I was trying to sell. She finished my order and then placed "Forever" (the 100 page book) in a brown sack. I had to laugh as I walked out with my banned book past the aisles of romance novels. Irony?

I have laughed and laughed about the exchange. I've had suggestions from friends about trying to consign other banned books to see the reaction. Another friend said she might go in the store and ask specifically for "Forever." I will admit that I am bothered by a bookstore that censors the content, but choose to laugh at the situation.

So, if you are interested in reading my contraband, it's at my house in a brown bag. I ought to proudly display the book in a prominant place but admit I might hide it again until Logan is older. ??

Making connections

We moved into our house a month ago. I wish I could say we had unpacked all the boxes and were fully settled. However, I'm realistic. When moving out of our house in Savannah I found things I hadn't unpacked since we lived in Arkansas. (5 years before!) I have a list a mile long of projects I want to plow through in the house but am forcing myself (and being forced by my husband) to take things in stride. The paint in the living room and extra bedroom will wait. We won't get Logan's bedroom furniture for a few months. The furniture for the hearth room has yet to be discovered. I haven't hung all of the pictures. Etc, etc, etc.

I'm feel anxious to feel at home. I think I've confused unpacking with settling in. I still feel in transition. To be honest, I think I've grown accustomed to feeling in transition. Let's face it, the Geiers have lots of experience with living until the next event. (For example, waiting to graduate, waiting to move to Virginia, waiting to move to Georgia, waiting for and then through deployment #1, pregnancy, waiting for and then through deployment #2, job searches, home selling, home buying, etc.) I wonder if this is the way all families feel? Always looking for what is around the next bend? I recognize I've grown cynical through our military days and am slowly sloughing off the old "tude" in an effort to "live in the now." (Cue my closest friends and family laughing. "Lauren not worrying about the future!? Ha ha!")

I hope we find a church home and begin making friends in the near future. As I search for a long term job and Trey continues to meet those in his network, we will become more connected. That is what I am ultimately yearning for...connection. Connection to my friends & family, connection to my home, neighborhood, & community, and connection to the present. It can come...it will come. Just around the bend.

Where is my baby boy?

Where did my baby go? This morning Logan told me he was going to sing "Elmo's Song" at school. Every evening on the way home from daycare I ask what he did during the day. He always reports that he "Sing Elmo's Song." Today he announced his plans for the day at breakfast. He then told me "Mommy cut hair. I sad. Hair cute." (Yes, his speech delay makes him sound like a caveman.) I did cut his hair last night, and he did cry. I'm so glad he thinks his hair is cute. I agree!

Each developmental milestone is amazing to witness, but I'll admit my heart aches a little too. I miss my little (ok, Logan was never little, but you get the picture) baby. I miss picking him up out of the crib and holding him over my shoulder. I miss the uninterrupted eye contact during feedings. I miss bouncing him on my knee while singing silly songs. I miss my baby.

But then...Logan runs to me when he bumps his head. He asks "Mommy hold up?" and I pick him up. He builds a house for his toy animals out of blocks. He finds the letter 'O' on a menu. Logan sings "Kinkle, Kinkle, Lil' Tar" into his toy microphone. Logan asks me to lie next to him in his bed and read a book.

Ok, the toddler stuff is incredible too. He is still mommy's baby boy.

Lauren's Diary

When I was little I was given a diary with a little gold lock and key. As most girl's my age, I was excited. I had images of my diary becoming my best friend and confidant. In my fantasy world, my diary would someday be discovered and ranked with Anne Frank or Margaret from the Judy Blume book. I wrote a flowery description of some event that was of great importance in my elementary school world. Two days later, I again wrote an entry beginning with an apology to the diary (I was very polite to random objects.) for skipping a day. Two months later, I wrote about having bronchitis and was worried that I was dying. (I was also highly dramatic...a characteristic that continues to emerge.) Several pages were skipped before another entry was made...2 years later! The last entry was inspired by a Brady Bunch episode where Jan is upset that Marsha keeps reading her diary. She writes silly lies in the diary to trick her siblings. I wrote that the President was coming to visit David. I was apparently under a false pretense that David actually cared about what was written in my diary. I'm sure he was in the backyard climbing on roofs and "catching" dead snakes. (a story for another day)

And so here we are, repeating the trend with my blog. I last wrote in October. I'll chuckle at my absence and make another apology & promise that I will write regularly. The reality is that I might possibly skip months at a time more often than making daily entries. I'm ok with this. My life isn't nearly as interesting as Anne Frank or Margaret. I accept this fact and am ready to move on.

Ok, so here's the update in a nutshell since the last entry. Trey went to his hiring conference and left with two job offers. (Milwaukee & Florida) In the meantime, we sold the house. Logan, Mojo, and I moved to Arkansas with my parents while Trey crashed with a friend in Savannah. Trey finished his days with the Army and joined us in Conway. My poor parents begrudgingly tolerated our messes, Mojo's "accidents", and Logan's fits for several weeks. On the job front, neither offer felt like a good fit for our family. So after several meltdowns (mine, not his) and conferences with friends, Trey decided to apply to Edward Jones Investments. He was hired pending his taking (and passing) the series 7 test. We began making day trips to the Memphis area to look for houses. After looking at 375 houses (possibly a slight exaggeration) we found an incredible house in the Bartlett area. When I say incredible, I am not exaggerating! The house is huge and has a pool! We have definitely benefited from the broken housing market. I interviewed and accepted a job with a mental health center in Memphis to provide counseling services in the Shelby County Schools. The job is grant-based and will end in May which makes me nervous. We have since moved into our house (after 2 weeks living in the local Navy Lodge and commuting back to Conway on the weekends) and are starting to reduce the number of boxes in the house.

Trey passed his big test Monday, March 3 and we have been jumping for joy since! (The irony is that he passed the test the day the stock market plummeted but we are confident things will turn around soon...??)

We are blessed to be employed and have a great house. Life will feel more settled when we find a local church and start making friends in the area. (Finding a good babysitter is also a high priority!) Logan is enjoying his school and seems to be learning something new every 5 minutes. We are excited to be close to friends and family again...although still missing the Savannah area and our Georgia friends.

I'm thrilled to be able to make weekend trips to Arky to go consignment sale shopping, attend Michelle's graduation, meet Mini Ryken, and attend UCA events. Our best Savannah friends (& my long lost sista-friend) the Onks are only 4 hours away! We learned our friend Wes and his wife will be moving to the Memphis area this summer. Trey already has Wes' social calendar filled...poor Wes!? :) Life is great!

We are ready for company!!!